Sunday, 24 July 2011
It's been a while.
I've realised I've changed a lot.
And I mean a lot.
Bad and good.
The good things, I've been much more determined with what i wanna achieve in life. Future wise i've been so particular and ive made thinking and preparations for it.
But bad, I think I haven't been so positive on the personal life side.
I keep thinking pessimistically.
I know I am, but i cant help to think that way.
My dad, i dont know who he is.
I just don't feel right about my family.
But at least i still have a family right?
I still have to make this work right?
I'm supposed to feel fortunate.
Cos i still have everything i need.
Just that it didnt come out the way i wanted it to be.
And i got myself stressed up and disappointed and sad about it.
What have you been doing dyla?
Stuck in your room all day, trying to avoid what's infront of you.
Not eating until dinner time, just because you're sad and have no mood.
Why am i torturing myself with such fear and controlled mind?
Why am i making my own self suffer?
Why am i making things much more harder for myself when i look back, i could be happier if i make the best of what i have.
:'(
I think i just wasted a part of my life by being depressed about family matters.
Previous relationships that i will never be able to forget.
I'm just making things worse actually. Because to me, if i thought harder and try to go through it all, make myself look problematic, i would get more attention from the people ard me. But i was definitely wrong.
I've made a huge huge mistake.
I dont even know if i'll be able to forgive myself.
Cos i thought i had it all controlled, but i lost it again yesterday.
And i inflicted someone that i really love :'(
And earlier today, i just realised what i have been missing.
Self motivation.
No one else can do that for me, self motivation comes from one self.
To my dearest boy that i really love,
I'm sorry for what has been happening between us.
I'm aware i was rude, wrong, egoistic and hard headed.
I know, but i just kept on going cos i thought i was the one who needed more attention.
I neglected you.
I neglected your love and affection.
I neglected your sacrifice for me.
I neglected what you advise me.
I didnt even took it all in and appreciate all that.
I was too busy making myself look important while you. You were trying to help me.
I was too full of myself. But deep in my heart i know i really needed you.
But im not treating you right.
If you left me for good, i think i wouldnt forgive myself.
Serves you right dumb bitch. Hmm :'(
Because i know i made too many mistakes to him, i tried my best to be nicer whenever i meet him. But idk why, when i dont see him infront of me, my mind takes over saying, "you cant trust him, you dont know what he's doing"
My mind is all fucked up. Causing me to create trouble and in the end hurting him.
Sometimes i feel bad for making him cry because im such a pain in the A.
I know he does cry, even when he doesnt tell me.
And i assume he thinks about me a lot too. I hope what im saying is right tho.
I hope he is.
After all that happened, idk if he still loves me the same way like he did before.
Idk if he stop loving me more and more each day.
Idk if he even or still likes me.
Cos aft all that i did, i think no guy would want a self centered bitch like me.
What i did was acceptable if he wanted to leave me.
But what i know now is,
I need him. More than ever.
I've never love someone until i cried at night just to make sure i'm still with him the next day.
I need him. He's my everything right now.
Because he's my everything, i could live and breathe now.
Regardless of what im going through with my family.
The reason why im still okay is because i know he's with me.
He's the reason i'm still standing strong.
Remember who picked me up 2 years ago?
Yes, him.
My pillar of strength is that boy.
I love him more and more each day.
Despite the fights, i still want him in my arms.
And to be in his arms after a long day of work last friday, felt like all my worries went away.
I need him. And i pray to Allah everyday, to let this man be the one to hold me as long as he can.
I love you sayang, and i'm sorry.
Truly am. :(
Mwah.
I've realised I've changed a lot.
And I mean a lot.
Bad and good.
The good things, I've been much more determined with what i wanna achieve in life. Future wise i've been so particular and ive made thinking and preparations for it.
But bad, I think I haven't been so positive on the personal life side.
I keep thinking pessimistically.
I know I am, but i cant help to think that way.
My dad, i dont know who he is.
I just don't feel right about my family.
But at least i still have a family right?
I still have to make this work right?
I'm supposed to feel fortunate.
Cos i still have everything i need.
Just that it didnt come out the way i wanted it to be.
And i got myself stressed up and disappointed and sad about it.
What have you been doing dyla?
Stuck in your room all day, trying to avoid what's infront of you.
Not eating until dinner time, just because you're sad and have no mood.
Why am i torturing myself with such fear and controlled mind?
Why am i making my own self suffer?
Why am i making things much more harder for myself when i look back, i could be happier if i make the best of what i have.
:'(
I think i just wasted a part of my life by being depressed about family matters.
Previous relationships that i will never be able to forget.
I'm just making things worse actually. Because to me, if i thought harder and try to go through it all, make myself look problematic, i would get more attention from the people ard me. But i was definitely wrong.
I've made a huge huge mistake.
I dont even know if i'll be able to forgive myself.
Cos i thought i had it all controlled, but i lost it again yesterday.
And i inflicted someone that i really love :'(
And earlier today, i just realised what i have been missing.
Self motivation.
No one else can do that for me, self motivation comes from one self.
To my dearest boy that i really love,
I'm sorry for what has been happening between us.
I'm aware i was rude, wrong, egoistic and hard headed.
I know, but i just kept on going cos i thought i was the one who needed more attention.
I neglected you.
I neglected your love and affection.
I neglected your sacrifice for me.
I neglected what you advise me.
I didnt even took it all in and appreciate all that.
I was too busy making myself look important while you. You were trying to help me.
I was too full of myself. But deep in my heart i know i really needed you.
But im not treating you right.
If you left me for good, i think i wouldnt forgive myself.
Serves you right dumb bitch. Hmm :'(
Because i know i made too many mistakes to him, i tried my best to be nicer whenever i meet him. But idk why, when i dont see him infront of me, my mind takes over saying, "you cant trust him, you dont know what he's doing"
My mind is all fucked up. Causing me to create trouble and in the end hurting him.
Sometimes i feel bad for making him cry because im such a pain in the A.
I know he does cry, even when he doesnt tell me.
And i assume he thinks about me a lot too. I hope what im saying is right tho.
I hope he is.
After all that happened, idk if he still loves me the same way like he did before.
Idk if he stop loving me more and more each day.
Idk if he even or still likes me.
Cos aft all that i did, i think no guy would want a self centered bitch like me.
What i did was acceptable if he wanted to leave me.
But what i know now is,
I need him. More than ever.
I've never love someone until i cried at night just to make sure i'm still with him the next day.
I need him. He's my everything right now.
Because he's my everything, i could live and breathe now.
Regardless of what im going through with my family.
The reason why im still okay is because i know he's with me.
He's the reason i'm still standing strong.
Remember who picked me up 2 years ago?
Yes, him.
My pillar of strength is that boy.
I love him more and more each day.
Despite the fights, i still want him in my arms.
And to be in his arms after a long day of work last friday, felt like all my worries went away.
I need him. And i pray to Allah everyday, to let this man be the one to hold me as long as he can.
I love you sayang, and i'm sorry.
Truly am. :(
Mwah.
Monday, 27 September 2010
Clearly, i can't seem to be bothered anymore
Firstly i wanna wish some people before i go on,
20th September; Happy 25th Birthday dearest brother!
Muhd Husaini Bin Abdul Karim
Semoga abg happyhappy selalu dan dimurahkan rezeki.
Panjang umur dan success in everything you do. Amin
27th September; Happy 20th Birthday Khalis!
Hope you had a great day Khalis :D
Wow, it has been awhile huh?
And life has been a rollercoaster for me.
Much of a roller coaster.
Expectations kept falling.
Hearts are breaking.
Truths turns to lies.
Trust became my enemy.
Hope became my phobia.
What else to top it off?
Whatever eh.
If you came into my life just to make me feel like shit, might as well leave.
But thanks for all the great memories.
Chances after chances,
I don't know why i still gave in.
Maybe by now you should have figure out why i did all this.
And i still stood loyal by your side.
Trying to close one eye.
God knows when i'll just shut both.
Bingit. Sakit hati. Jealous. Frustrated how?
I'm here sick, and he dare tells me he's with a girl.
Okay fine its your friend, but he hardly tells me who that girl is.
Ahhhh, tell me. I'm just being too sensitive.
FML seriously.
I lost all my mooooooooooood.
Just because of it.
Hell yeah, i am sensitive.
Suke hati dier la eh nak ngan perempuan lain.
Mcm dah biaser gitu kan.
Asal kan bahagia.
Told you,
Clearly i can't be bothered anymore.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What is wrong with me.
Diam, i need to see some psychiatrist.
Muddled and meddled up brain.
SOOO NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
BYE.
20th September; Happy 25th Birthday dearest brother!
Muhd Husaini Bin Abdul Karim
Semoga abg happyhappy selalu dan dimurahkan rezeki.
Panjang umur dan success in everything you do. Amin
27th September; Happy 20th Birthday Khalis!
Hope you had a great day Khalis :D
Wow, it has been awhile huh?
And life has been a rollercoaster for me.
Much of a roller coaster.
Expectations kept falling.
Hearts are breaking.
Truths turns to lies.
Trust became my enemy.
Hope became my phobia.
What else to top it off?
Whatever eh.
If you came into my life just to make me feel like shit, might as well leave.
But thanks for all the great memories.
Chances after chances,
I don't know why i still gave in.
Maybe by now you should have figure out why i did all this.
And i still stood loyal by your side.
Trying to close one eye.
God knows when i'll just shut both.
Bingit. Sakit hati. Jealous. Frustrated how?
I'm here sick, and he dare tells me he's with a girl.
Okay fine its your friend, but he hardly tells me who that girl is.
Ahhhh, tell me. I'm just being too sensitive.
FML seriously.
I lost all my mooooooooooood.
Just because of it.
Hell yeah, i am sensitive.
Suke hati dier la eh nak ngan perempuan lain.
Mcm dah biaser gitu kan.
Asal kan bahagia.
Told you,
Clearly i can't be bothered anymore.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What is wrong with me.
Diam, i need to see some psychiatrist.
Muddled and meddled up brain.
SOOO NOT HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
BYE.
Monday, 19 July 2010
I'm stuck in between :'(
I really tried my best today, i really did :'(
But i just feel something a miss.
A miss real bad :'(
There's no one for me to talk to, so i only have this blog.
I know i only have rare or none visitors.
Oh well.
It's impossible to talk to you, cause if i were to talk to you seriously,
I know i'll breakdown real bad.
I'm avoiding this topic so i tried my best really. Really, i did :(
I know you sensed my differences towards you, but that's what you get.
I really don't know what to do.
I don't know if i should go on as per normal.
I can't deny the fact that i need you.
I need your warmth.
I need your company.
Yes, i know you're willing to give everything for me.
But i can't deny the truth.
I really can't.
I don't wanna be blinded by my need for you.
For i've grown to be too dependent on you.
So did i made a mistake?
Tell me.
Assure me.
Convince me.
Prove to me i'm wrong.
That's all i ask for.
Is that too much? :'(
I'm ready to start a new.
But are you?
I don't see any signs.
You apologized to me several time through text.
But have i heard any from your own mouth?
How can i be sure you're serious?
How can i be sure you really bother?
How can i be sure you actually care?
How can i be sure that you really do wanna do something about it?
I didn't even hear a "sorry" from you.
So what now?
I can only say,
Trust is a dependency issue.
Go figure.
I don't wanna be some toy that you play around.
Cause i had enough being fooled.
Though it was once and happened two years back.
The impact and effect is still alive in me.
Very indeed alive cause its never something i wanna experience all over again.
I'm aware and i'm just being wary.
I'm not gonna lie,
I still do love you very much.
But maybe i'll summarise this whole passage for a clearer understanding.
"Make me fall in love with you all over again"
I'll be waiting and expecting for something.
But i'll doubt you'll read this.
:'(
I won't tell you what to do no more.
I've told you a lot in the texts.
I having nothing else to say.
:'(
Goodbye.
But i just feel something a miss.
A miss real bad :'(
There's no one for me to talk to, so i only have this blog.
I know i only have rare or none visitors.
Oh well.
It's impossible to talk to you, cause if i were to talk to you seriously,
I know i'll breakdown real bad.
I'm avoiding this topic so i tried my best really. Really, i did :(
I know you sensed my differences towards you, but that's what you get.
I really don't know what to do.
I don't know if i should go on as per normal.
I can't deny the fact that i need you.
I need your warmth.
I need your company.
Yes, i know you're willing to give everything for me.
But i can't deny the truth.
I really can't.
I don't wanna be blinded by my need for you.
For i've grown to be too dependent on you.
So did i made a mistake?
Tell me.
Assure me.
Convince me.
Prove to me i'm wrong.
That's all i ask for.
Is that too much? :'(
I'm ready to start a new.
But are you?
I don't see any signs.
You apologized to me several time through text.
But have i heard any from your own mouth?
How can i be sure you're serious?
How can i be sure you really bother?
How can i be sure you actually care?
How can i be sure that you really do wanna do something about it?
I didn't even hear a "sorry" from you.
So what now?
I can only say,
Trust is a dependency issue.
Go figure.
I don't wanna be some toy that you play around.
Cause i had enough being fooled.
Though it was once and happened two years back.
The impact and effect is still alive in me.
Very indeed alive cause its never something i wanna experience all over again.
I'm aware and i'm just being wary.
I'm not gonna lie,
I still do love you very much.
But maybe i'll summarise this whole passage for a clearer understanding.
"Make me fall in love with you all over again"
I'll be waiting and expecting for something.
But i'll doubt you'll read this.
:'(
I won't tell you what to do no more.
I've told you a lot in the texts.
I having nothing else to say.
:'(
Goodbye.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
away, gone, missing.
Time and time, i'm deceived.
I don't know what im supposed to do.
I don't know what im supposed to feel.
You got me this way, you got me in this direction,
So please get me out of this.
But i guess, you have yourself to help first.
Just who am i to you right?
I'm throughly disappointed.
But oh well, that's life.
Being pushed down flat, and only you have the strength to rise back.
There's no one else to trust besides myself.
I was hurt before i met you, and my scars were still opened.
You healed me, and all i ever needed at that point of time was you.
I thought i could rely and be dependent on you for as long as we stay.
But you proved me wrong.
I can live without you, just that i don't want to.
I've forgiven you, yknow i will always do.
Just that it takes time for me to figure everything out.
Don't punish yourself too hard, just try your best.
Cause im willing to give you a chance,
For i can only love you, and only you.
Just please, don't disappoint me again.
I'm fragile enough for you to just crush me once more.
It's been a year we've been together, and i don't want anything way beyond our wildest dream to happen :'(
I mention before, we'll go through everything together.
This might be a big deal, but i rather consider it small.
Trying to think that it is nothing compared to what i had years ago.
I'm trying to be optimistic, but hey.
Once again, don't take me for granted.
For good or bad, i always do love you.
till then,
I've cried enough, time for me to think straight.
I don't know what im supposed to do.
I don't know what im supposed to feel.
You got me this way, you got me in this direction,
So please get me out of this.
But i guess, you have yourself to help first.
Just who am i to you right?
I'm throughly disappointed.
But oh well, that's life.
Being pushed down flat, and only you have the strength to rise back.
There's no one else to trust besides myself.
I was hurt before i met you, and my scars were still opened.
You healed me, and all i ever needed at that point of time was you.
I thought i could rely and be dependent on you for as long as we stay.
But you proved me wrong.
I can live without you, just that i don't want to.
I've forgiven you, yknow i will always do.
Just that it takes time for me to figure everything out.
Don't punish yourself too hard, just try your best.
Cause im willing to give you a chance,
For i can only love you, and only you.
Just please, don't disappoint me again.
I'm fragile enough for you to just crush me once more.
It's been a year we've been together, and i don't want anything way beyond our wildest dream to happen :'(
I mention before, we'll go through everything together.
This might be a big deal, but i rather consider it small.
Trying to think that it is nothing compared to what i had years ago.
I'm trying to be optimistic, but hey.
Once again, don't take me for granted.
For good or bad, i always do love you.
till then,
I've cried enough, time for me to think straight.
Monday, 21 June 2010
Will be busy very soon
I just realised i posted such a long post!
Oh well, happy reading.
As promised, some pictures :D
And some shiok sendiri moments :P
Oh well, happy reading.
As promised, some pictures :D
And some shiok sendiri moments :P
My girls, eemah & shera!
Sunday, 20 June 2010
Updates updates updates
It's been awhile, i know.
Sorry for the lack of updates.
Anyway, i'll just update the happening parts of this week.
Oh yes, holidays are here.
But im enjoying the first week of holidays with much guilt.
Cause, there's like tonnes of work to be done but i barely touch them.
I'm too stressed! My brain will shut down if i really pushed myself.
To the extreme limit i guess :/
Oh well, good luck dyla with your work. ;)
Yes, so eventhough it's holidays.
Monday to fridays i'll be in school.
Anyone care to join? :D
I can't do work at home, due to TWO babies.
Besides, the NEW TV my dad bought and kitchen is such a distraction!
Soooooo, my dad bought a new tv! YAY!
The previous tv was used ever since i shifted house frm amk to UBI.
Which is like 15years? SONY, really good uh?
Spoilt twice and only now it's dying.
Bloodshot on tv screen already.
My eyes hurt from looking at the REDs in the tv.
So yeah, shopped for a new tv with dad at Parkway Parade.
And dad chooses the Sony Bravia 40".
HAPPY! I'm like so jakon/suaku/excited. Whatever you call it.
Jealous yknow looking at other people's great looking tv.
Heeee :D
Then came along, 15th June.
:DDDDD
Celebrated dearest 18th Birthday which falls on 16th.
But yeah, i had a great time.
Thank you Muhd Zulfadhli, Nur Farwizah and Amirul for the day.
Enjoyed it with yguys :D
Karaoke, food everything was awesome.
Sorry pictures not here, cause im using my mac.
Its in my windows. Forgot to save a copy.
Maybe my next post will be all pics then.
Picture summary :D hahah.
17th June,
Meet my beloved girls.
Shera and Eemah.
Nadd wasn't able to come due to school.
I miss you babygirl!
But i still had fun with eemah and shera.
Enjoyed the long talk and great food at BBQ Chicken at E!Hub.
Was really a great catchup.
Oh yes, bumped into Dear, his mum and lil'sis Farah.
:D
My girls walked so fast cause SEGAN. Tsk.
The only picture is my default picture at FB :D
And just now, went to my cousin's akad nikah.
Is it spelt like that? :/
Solemnization Ceremony sounds better.
So tomorrow, is the Persandingan.
Ergh, my melayu sucks aft i graduated.
Sheesh. So much for getting A1 for O'levels.
Tsk.
Sorry for the lack of updates.
Anyway, i'll just update the happening parts of this week.
Oh yes, holidays are here.
But im enjoying the first week of holidays with much guilt.
Cause, there's like tonnes of work to be done but i barely touch them.
I'm too stressed! My brain will shut down if i really pushed myself.
To the extreme limit i guess :/
Oh well, good luck dyla with your work. ;)
Yes, so eventhough it's holidays.
Monday to fridays i'll be in school.
Anyone care to join? :D
I can't do work at home, due to TWO babies.
Besides, the NEW TV my dad bought and kitchen is such a distraction!
Soooooo, my dad bought a new tv! YAY!
The previous tv was used ever since i shifted house frm amk to UBI.
Which is like 15years? SONY, really good uh?
Spoilt twice and only now it's dying.
Bloodshot on tv screen already.
My eyes hurt from looking at the REDs in the tv.
So yeah, shopped for a new tv with dad at Parkway Parade.
And dad chooses the Sony Bravia 40".
HAPPY! I'm like so jakon/suaku/excited. Whatever you call it.
Jealous yknow looking at other people's great looking tv.
Heeee :D
Then came along, 15th June.
:DDDDD
Celebrated dearest 18th Birthday which falls on 16th.
But yeah, i had a great time.
Thank you Muhd Zulfadhli, Nur Farwizah and Amirul for the day.
Enjoyed it with yguys :D
Karaoke, food everything was awesome.
Sorry pictures not here, cause im using my mac.
Its in my windows. Forgot to save a copy.
Maybe my next post will be all pics then.
Picture summary :D hahah.
17th June,
Meet my beloved girls.
Shera and Eemah.
Nadd wasn't able to come due to school.
I miss you babygirl!
But i still had fun with eemah and shera.
Enjoyed the long talk and great food at BBQ Chicken at E!Hub.
Was really a great catchup.
Oh yes, bumped into Dear, his mum and lil'sis Farah.
:D
My girls walked so fast cause SEGAN. Tsk.
The only picture is my default picture at FB :D
And just now, went to my cousin's akad nikah.
Is it spelt like that? :/
Solemnization Ceremony sounds better.
So tomorrow, is the Persandingan.
Ergh, my melayu sucks aft i graduated.
Sheesh. So much for getting A1 for O'levels.
Tsk.
Right now i'm bored.
Feelingfeeling wanna do makeup review :D
Okay kan? Share makeup tips with you people.
Let's see.
We'll start with base.
Moisturiser is very important people.
Face moisturiser that is.
You'll have freckles when you're old if you're always out in the sun when young.
That's what i read and heard :/
Besides, face moisturiser does miracles before you put on any makeup.
Esp if you have dry skin, trust me.
Somehow, moisturiser will make a smooth canvas on ur face to put on makeup.
Experience makeup sliding off your face? Or easily gone?
Moisturiser will help hold your makeup in place for just a little longer.
Almost like primer but yeah, works almost the same way.
Just that i haven't tried face primer.
Maybe i'll try the Maybelline PoreZeroBase Primer (ANGELFIT)
I think it cost $19.90 in S'pore.
But right now, i'm using a cheap but extremely good face moisturiser.
I bought it at Tanjong Katong Complex. Kedai JAMU. :DDDD
$2! Good deal, some indonesian Kampong Brand.
Sari Ayu, Maartha Tilaar.
In Rose Essence, but it does wonders for a cheap brand!
Just bought another bottle recently. (Y)
Oh yes, it has SPF 15 :D
Must have uh at least SPF 15!
Next let's see, Concealer?
Im currently using NYX Stick Concealer.
Well, its a little dry for me. Cause i prefer creamy like.
It goes on easily but hard to blend it.
Even with a brush, it's better to use your ring finger.
Esp under the eyes to hide your dark circles.
More subtle.
Yes DO NOT TUG ON YOUR EYE LIDS or ard the eyes.
You'll get premature wrinkles and fine lines :(
Maybe i'll try L.A Girl concealer next.
Only Century Square's BHG has it :/
Foundation and Facepowder?
Currently i'm having 3 kinds of foundation + 2 multi ones + 1 facepowder
Mineral Powder Foundation
Compact Powder Foundation
Liquid Foundation
All three by Maybelline.
Maybelline's Kabuki Brush for Mineral foundation is a killer!
So hard and harsh brush tips! OUCH on the face :'(
So sister bought one set of brushes by Eco Tools, online.
The Baby Kabuki is OH-SO-SOFT! I love it!
Online was like $10++.
Singapore Watsons Store was like $28!
Cheater! Lucky bought online!
Oh so, mineral foundation is good for sports people.
Or who tend to sweat BAD, cos the foundation won't slither off much ard the face.
Compact and Liquid up to your preference.
But liquid is kinda messy for me.
For i haven't got a Stippling Brush yet.
And the only one i saw in Spore was in MAC.
MAC makeup, not MAC APPLE kay?
Expensive sey! :(
Liquid best used with Stippling Brush.
Fingers, a lil messy.
& Liquid foundation tend to make your face SHINE.
Remember that.
I always set it with SilkyGirl Loose Face Powder. In pretty pink. :D
But your face won't be pink, trust me. Hahaha.
Really, the powder is really pink. Cute!
Oh the 2multi ones are by,
Za and Sari Ayu :D
Za is awesome okay?
The blue cover compact powder ~
It's mutli cause it's foundation as well as facepowder.
All in one go! :D
It's really high in coverage and stays on for long.
Cost ard $25 but worth it :)
Sari Ayu is bad!
I hate it, i rarely use it anyway.
And i kinda chose a colour that is lighter than my tone.
-.- Dumb me, wasted $15! :(
Lastly, facepowder by Za too :D
Metallic Pink casing :)
Great when used with compact foundation, Maybelline.
Works wonders :)
Yeah i love makeup, cause i know im ugly.
:P
My boyfriend will kill me if he knows i say that :/
One more thing, pencil eyeliner stays longer on lashline.
Not waterline, cause you will experience as always,
SMUDGING! :(
I hate that, that's why i prefer liquid liner :D
And new addition lately my sis bought,
E.L.F Cream Liner :D
Woooo, awesome!
That's it! Eyeshadows and Blushes next time!
:DD
till then,
I love Muhd Zulfadhli <3
Feelingfeeling wanna do makeup review :D
Okay kan? Share makeup tips with you people.
Let's see.
We'll start with base.
Moisturiser is very important people.
Face moisturiser that is.
You'll have freckles when you're old if you're always out in the sun when young.
That's what i read and heard :/
Besides, face moisturiser does miracles before you put on any makeup.
Esp if you have dry skin, trust me.
Somehow, moisturiser will make a smooth canvas on ur face to put on makeup.
Experience makeup sliding off your face? Or easily gone?
Moisturiser will help hold your makeup in place for just a little longer.
Almost like primer but yeah, works almost the same way.
Just that i haven't tried face primer.
Maybe i'll try the Maybelline PoreZeroBase Primer (ANGELFIT)
I think it cost $19.90 in S'pore.
But right now, i'm using a cheap but extremely good face moisturiser.
I bought it at Tanjong Katong Complex. Kedai JAMU. :DDDD
$2! Good deal, some indonesian Kampong Brand.
Sari Ayu, Maartha Tilaar.
In Rose Essence, but it does wonders for a cheap brand!
Just bought another bottle recently. (Y)
Oh yes, it has SPF 15 :D
Must have uh at least SPF 15!
Next let's see, Concealer?
Im currently using NYX Stick Concealer.
Well, its a little dry for me. Cause i prefer creamy like.
It goes on easily but hard to blend it.
Even with a brush, it's better to use your ring finger.
Esp under the eyes to hide your dark circles.
More subtle.
Yes DO NOT TUG ON YOUR EYE LIDS or ard the eyes.
You'll get premature wrinkles and fine lines :(
Maybe i'll try L.A Girl concealer next.
Only Century Square's BHG has it :/
Foundation and Facepowder?
Currently i'm having 3 kinds of foundation + 2 multi ones + 1 facepowder
Mineral Powder Foundation
Compact Powder Foundation
Liquid Foundation
All three by Maybelline.
Maybelline's Kabuki Brush for Mineral foundation is a killer!
So hard and harsh brush tips! OUCH on the face :'(
So sister bought one set of brushes by Eco Tools, online.
The Baby Kabuki is OH-SO-SOFT! I love it!
Online was like $10++.
Singapore Watsons Store was like $28!
Cheater! Lucky bought online!
Oh so, mineral foundation is good for sports people.
Or who tend to sweat BAD, cos the foundation won't slither off much ard the face.
Compact and Liquid up to your preference.
But liquid is kinda messy for me.
For i haven't got a Stippling Brush yet.
And the only one i saw in Spore was in MAC.
MAC makeup, not MAC APPLE kay?
Expensive sey! :(
Liquid best used with Stippling Brush.
Fingers, a lil messy.
& Liquid foundation tend to make your face SHINE.
Remember that.
I always set it with SilkyGirl Loose Face Powder. In pretty pink. :D
But your face won't be pink, trust me. Hahaha.
Really, the powder is really pink. Cute!
Oh the 2multi ones are by,
Za and Sari Ayu :D
Za is awesome okay?
The blue cover compact powder ~
It's mutli cause it's foundation as well as facepowder.
All in one go! :D
It's really high in coverage and stays on for long.
Cost ard $25 but worth it :)
Sari Ayu is bad!
I hate it, i rarely use it anyway.
And i kinda chose a colour that is lighter than my tone.
-.- Dumb me, wasted $15! :(
Lastly, facepowder by Za too :D
Metallic Pink casing :)
Great when used with compact foundation, Maybelline.
Works wonders :)
Yeah i love makeup, cause i know im ugly.
:P
My boyfriend will kill me if he knows i say that :/
One more thing, pencil eyeliner stays longer on lashline.
Not waterline, cause you will experience as always,
SMUDGING! :(
I hate that, that's why i prefer liquid liner :D
And new addition lately my sis bought,
E.L.F Cream Liner :D
Woooo, awesome!
That's it! Eyeshadows and Blushes next time!
:DD
till then,
I love Muhd Zulfadhli <3
Thursday, 10 June 2010
That's it.
Stop crying dyla.
Enough, all your tears will do nothing.
Your tears are meaningless.
No one sees them, no one hears them.
Tears won't change a person overnight.
And they might never change even.
To think that i did so much but seems like no one appreciates it.
Or maybe i didn't do anything at all.
So what did i sacrificed actually, nothing.
So stop crying dyla, its worthless.
No one will ever get you.
All those people around you can't do anything.
More or less, do not even care about you.
I cried for this family most,
I cried for friends,
I cried for saving myself,
I cried for stress of school.
Nothing will ever change.
Dyla remember this,
you have come so far and its not worth it to stop halfway.
You have been doing this alone for sometime now.
Dyla will make it on her own.
I'm independent, i make my own decision.
If people can bring me down, so be it.
I'll come back running.
If they don't need me, i don't need them too.
Just don't falter.
WIpe em' tears dyla.
Be strong, girl.
Cry when you need, stop when you get it.
I'll make it on my own.
I promise you.
&
I don't make promises for fun.
Cos i never did like to promise.
We'll see.
till then,
Once again, it happen. What can i say? Was this the gut feeling that i had last time that i anticipate it to happen?
Could be. Dear Allah, show me the way.
Amin.
Enough, all your tears will do nothing.
Your tears are meaningless.
No one sees them, no one hears them.
Tears won't change a person overnight.
And they might never change even.
To think that i did so much but seems like no one appreciates it.
Or maybe i didn't do anything at all.
So what did i sacrificed actually, nothing.
So stop crying dyla, its worthless.
No one will ever get you.
All those people around you can't do anything.
More or less, do not even care about you.
I cried for this family most,
I cried for friends,
I cried for saving myself,
I cried for stress of school.
Nothing will ever change.
Dyla remember this,
you have come so far and its not worth it to stop halfway.
You have been doing this alone for sometime now.
Dyla will make it on her own.
I'm independent, i make my own decision.
If people can bring me down, so be it.
I'll come back running.
If they don't need me, i don't need them too.
Just don't falter.
WIpe em' tears dyla.
Be strong, girl.
Cry when you need, stop when you get it.
I'll make it on my own.
I promise you.
&
I don't make promises for fun.
Cos i never did like to promise.
We'll see.
till then,
Once again, it happen. What can i say? Was this the gut feeling that i had last time that i anticipate it to happen?
Could be. Dear Allah, show me the way.
Amin.
Sunday, 6 June 2010
One more week, let's endure
Top row was taken a year ago,
and bottom row was taken earlier last week.
Looks like we're having fun ey?
But terribly not.
Year 2, is a real deal.
Getting a diploma is not as easy as you think.
Me, dear, sha and vilvum are like striving so damn hard.
I've never put so much effort, time and all kinds of strength into projects and school work.
But i know, all this will be worthwhile.
Think long term. Right dear? :D
And did i mention?
One more week and it's holiday baby!
Oh my, i can't wait to get a break from school!
Though, work will still be going on, still.
It makes a huge difference of waking up in the morning and gg to school.
Rather than you do work at home.
But disadvantage, procrastination will occur. Confirm.
I'm just super looking forward to having a great time with beloved ones.
Which is;
Celebrate Dearest birthday with gorgeous Izah and her bf, Amy.
Meet my stunning bitches whom i have missed so bad,
Shera, Eemah and Nadd sayangs.
What else?
Oh i need to fast (puasa) :D haha, really i need to.
I think 6 moredays left :D
Of course, spend quality time with my one and only boyfriend.
Maybe one of the days go shopping with my lovely sister :D
Oh yes, there might be a picnic outing with the class. Woooo :D
Oh my, i can't wait.
And people mention above,
please eh, don't last minute turn your back on me!
I've been looking forward so bad, so do not disappoint me. :D
Sorry if i sound so mean,
but you can't imagine how much i've suffered from school and what nots.
So i really need a break, and do help me here. Heee
I love love love all of you.
Let's all endure this week,
and we'll have the time of our lives during the term break.
Merci :D
till then,
takecare lovelies :)
and bottom row was taken earlier last week.
Looks like we're having fun ey?
But terribly not.
Year 2, is a real deal.
Getting a diploma is not as easy as you think.
Me, dear, sha and vilvum are like striving so damn hard.
I've never put so much effort, time and all kinds of strength into projects and school work.
But i know, all this will be worthwhile.
Think long term. Right dear? :D
And did i mention?
One more week and it's holiday baby!
Oh my, i can't wait to get a break from school!
Though, work will still be going on, still.
It makes a huge difference of waking up in the morning and gg to school.
Rather than you do work at home.
But disadvantage, procrastination will occur. Confirm.
I'm just super looking forward to having a great time with beloved ones.
Which is;
Celebrate Dearest birthday with gorgeous Izah and her bf, Amy.
Meet my stunning bitches whom i have missed so bad,
Shera, Eemah and Nadd sayangs.
What else?
Oh i need to fast (puasa) :D haha, really i need to.
I think 6 moredays left :D
Of course, spend quality time with my one and only boyfriend.
Maybe one of the days go shopping with my lovely sister :D
Oh yes, there might be a picnic outing with the class. Woooo :D
Oh my, i can't wait.
And people mention above,
please eh, don't last minute turn your back on me!
I've been looking forward so bad, so do not disappoint me. :D
Sorry if i sound so mean,
but you can't imagine how much i've suffered from school and what nots.
So i really need a break, and do help me here. Heee
I love love love all of you.
Let's all endure this week,
and we'll have the time of our lives during the term break.
Merci :D
till then,
takecare lovelies :)
Friday, 28 May 2010
one after another
Nadd bby :D Back when we were 15 oh my!
Shera syg! :D 15 still :P
Eemah honey! 18th Babeh :D
They are the ones that complete me
I'm starting to think why things happen this way.
Why do i keep getting strange feelings.
Mood-swings and what not-s.
It's like almost that feeling i had last time.
Stress for no reason.
Feel guilty for no reason.
Get mad for no reason.
All worked up for no reason.
Worrying about something that's not there
nor has it happen yet.
And wanting to cry bad for no reason.
What the f is wrong with me?
Ya Allah, please enlighten me :(
What is happening?
I'm very confused.
I wanna stop worrying abt what's going to happen.
But that previous gut feeling that i had is still very strong.
Indeed i can't get over it just yet.
& i can't deny it. At all.
I can't stop thinking abt it.
I can't stop thinking what will happen if it really were to happen.
Oh Allah, hope my intuition fails me.
If it were to really happen, i think i'll give in.
But for sure, i'll cry real bad. Ergh, don't want it to happen.
Gosh, :'(
Kak Zee told me this;
" If you love someone, let them do whatever they want "
What i understand by what she said is,
Let them make the mistake.
Let them learn for it.
Let them know themselves what you were trying to do for them.
I have a veryvery bad feeling.
I really do. Erghh.
I miss my girls.
I feel like crying.
I need my girls bad.
I text-ed them 3 randomly in the bus that day.
" I know this is random. But just to let ygirls know,
I MISS YOU GIRLS SO MUCH! Really :'( 2 more weeks to term break,
and to see you guys. Endure k! Bye korg, takecare of yourself k babes.
Sayang korg byk byk :-* Dyla "
Eemah replied;
" I miss you too Dyla! I've never been so busy in such a long time and it's wearing me out.
I can't wait to meet you too dyl! After months of not meeting we got alot to catch up man. I miss you and i love you so much! Wet sloppy kisses from me to you! "
At that instance,
i feel like crying in the bus reading at her msg.
I was really on the verge of tears but i held back real hard.
I miss them so bad :'(
No one will understand how much i miss and need them.
I'm just so jealous hearing people go out with the bestfriends and all.
Everytime, it kills me inside.
Cos i need my girls bad, and hearing this just makes me feel more worse.
Everyone seems so happy and i feel super dreadful.
Erghhh.
They are the only people i have as superclose/bestfriend/sisters!
Yes only them three!
Call me anti-social i basically don't care.
So? I'm proud to be anti-social.
I trust nobody besides those who know me well and close.
Which is my three girls, dear, shakur and sha.
That's it.
Girls are just like me,
we are anti-social.
Mannn, i miss my bby girls :(
Hope to have a movie date and dinner date at BBQ chicken with my sayangs :D
And on that day, i'll entertain no calls, no texts.
I know that when i meet them on that day,
it'll be months before i see them again.
Trust me, i know.
Looking forward.
It's my turn to have my own time, my own space, my own right!
Boys will be boys,
and girls will be girls.
And im serious right bitchicks! :DDD
YAYNESS!
I can only bring out my real girl perangai with them, them and only!
Kan korg? SSHH!
.
I love Siti Nadiah Suhaimi.
I love Siti Fathimah Daud.
I love Nur Shahira Abdul Latiff
<3
till then,
don't read my long post and complain. You asked for it. I write what i want. Don't like it? Giiii mamposssss. K don't mind my minah language. Feeling2 uh. K bye. :D
Why do i keep getting strange feelings.
Mood-swings and what not-s.
It's like almost that feeling i had last time.
Stress for no reason.
Feel guilty for no reason.
Get mad for no reason.
All worked up for no reason.
Worrying about something that's not there
nor has it happen yet.
And wanting to cry bad for no reason.
What the f is wrong with me?
Ya Allah, please enlighten me :(
What is happening?
I'm very confused.
I wanna stop worrying abt what's going to happen.
But that previous gut feeling that i had is still very strong.
Indeed i can't get over it just yet.
& i can't deny it. At all.
I can't stop thinking abt it.
I can't stop thinking what will happen if it really were to happen.
Oh Allah, hope my intuition fails me.
If it were to really happen, i think i'll give in.
But for sure, i'll cry real bad. Ergh, don't want it to happen.
Gosh, :'(
Kak Zee told me this;
" If you love someone, let them do whatever they want "
What i understand by what she said is,
Let them make the mistake.
Let them learn for it.
Let them know themselves what you were trying to do for them.
I have a veryvery bad feeling.
I really do. Erghh.
I miss my girls.
I feel like crying.
I need my girls bad.
I text-ed them 3 randomly in the bus that day.
" I know this is random. But just to let ygirls know,
I MISS YOU GIRLS SO MUCH! Really :'( 2 more weeks to term break,
and to see you guys. Endure k! Bye korg, takecare of yourself k babes.
Sayang korg byk byk :-* Dyla "
Eemah replied;
" I miss you too Dyla! I've never been so busy in such a long time and it's wearing me out.
I can't wait to meet you too dyl! After months of not meeting we got alot to catch up man. I miss you and i love you so much! Wet sloppy kisses from me to you! "
At that instance,
i feel like crying in the bus reading at her msg.
I was really on the verge of tears but i held back real hard.
I miss them so bad :'(
No one will understand how much i miss and need them.
I'm just so jealous hearing people go out with the bestfriends and all.
Everytime, it kills me inside.
Cos i need my girls bad, and hearing this just makes me feel more worse.
Everyone seems so happy and i feel super dreadful.
Erghhh.
They are the only people i have as superclose/bestfriend/sisters!
Yes only them three!
Call me anti-social i basically don't care.
So? I'm proud to be anti-social.
I trust nobody besides those who know me well and close.
Which is my three girls, dear, shakur and sha.
That's it.
Girls are just like me,
we are anti-social.
Mannn, i miss my bby girls :(
Hope to have a movie date and dinner date at BBQ chicken with my sayangs :D
And on that day, i'll entertain no calls, no texts.
I know that when i meet them on that day,
it'll be months before i see them again.
Trust me, i know.
Looking forward.
It's my turn to have my own time, my own space, my own right!
Boys will be boys,
and girls will be girls.
And im serious right bitchicks! :DDD
YAYNESS!
I can only bring out my real girl perangai with them, them and only!
Kan korg? SSHH!
.
I love Siti Nadiah Suhaimi.
I love Siti Fathimah Daud.
I love Nur Shahira Abdul Latiff
<3
till then,
don't read my long post and complain. You asked for it. I write what i want. Don't like it? Giiii mamposssss. K don't mind my minah language. Feeling2 uh. K bye. :D
Saturday, 22 May 2010
It's haunting me
Yesterday night, something weird happened.
Its a thing i call deliriously self delusional, self explanatory.
It's the sub-conscious feeling that i had was beyond my will.
I came across a non-real situation which made me erupt into a feeling that i wasn't sure.
That non-real situation gave the feeling that it's gonna happen one day for real.
Something that i'm not prepared to face.
Something that i'm unsure how to react.
Something that i might get very confused in.
Something that i might get deeply hurt.
Something that i might get lost in.
& i'm 18, something extraordinaire can just happen.
But i think, Allah gave me this feeling to help me get prepared for what's to come.
Though it's gonna haunt me for years before it'll actually happen.
For now i guess, i shall just try and forget all bout it.
& get over with this very very strong feeling.
To top it off,
I slept at 3am and i got the strangest dream of all.
It's been quite a while since i got nightmares and i did had one yesterday.
& it had to involve my boyfriend, Fad :(
I was walking with him, normally, talking, having fun holding hands.
Everything felt real, everything felt okay.
Idk how, idk when, we kept meeting people that made us run and stray away from each other.
Then we came back together both afraid.
I remembered clearly i was in his arms, holding me tight.
When we had to run again.
I told him we'll meet up somewhere ahead.
But when i reached there he wasn't anywhere to be seen.
I waited and waited but to no avail.
I was feeling so scared so alone.
I searched for him in the vicinity but i failed.
I called for his name but i get no feedback.
I started to get worried, and those people came back and i hide.
I had to stay there because i told him i'll meet him here.
I waited and waited until idk how long.
But he never came.
I felt so scared.
& i thought he had left me for good.
I woke up in the middle of the night crying.
I checked my phone and there i saw his message saying Goodnight.
I felt a little relieved, but still haunted by that dream.
For then i prayed, let all this be good sign and not what i thought it would be.
& dear, nothing of this is your fault.
Nothing of my sudden mood change yesterday is because of you.
It's my gut feeling though i know you might not believe me.
I trust you.
So trust me that none of this had got to do with you.
So stop feeling guilty, stop feeling sorry, stop saying you're wrong.
It's not your fault.
It's just me, yes me.
I just had to get over with the feeling and everything will be normal.
Nothing between us will change, nothing.
Except for my love that's growing stronger for you each and everyday.
Ya Allah, if this was what you initiate for me.
I'll face it with all my will.
But i trust you Allah, for what you're giving me is the best for me.
Just grant me the strength and patience to overcome all tests.
To you i turn and to you Allah i seek forgiveness.
Amin.
till then,
I will always do <3
Its a thing i call deliriously self delusional, self explanatory.
It's the sub-conscious feeling that i had was beyond my will.
I came across a non-real situation which made me erupt into a feeling that i wasn't sure.
That non-real situation gave the feeling that it's gonna happen one day for real.
Something that i'm not prepared to face.
Something that i'm unsure how to react.
Something that i might get very confused in.
Something that i might get deeply hurt.
Something that i might get lost in.
& i'm 18, something extraordinaire can just happen.
But i think, Allah gave me this feeling to help me get prepared for what's to come.
Though it's gonna haunt me for years before it'll actually happen.
For now i guess, i shall just try and forget all bout it.
& get over with this very very strong feeling.
To top it off,
I slept at 3am and i got the strangest dream of all.
It's been quite a while since i got nightmares and i did had one yesterday.
& it had to involve my boyfriend, Fad :(
I was walking with him, normally, talking, having fun holding hands.
Everything felt real, everything felt okay.
Idk how, idk when, we kept meeting people that made us run and stray away from each other.
Then we came back together both afraid.
I remembered clearly i was in his arms, holding me tight.
When we had to run again.
I told him we'll meet up somewhere ahead.
But when i reached there he wasn't anywhere to be seen.
I waited and waited but to no avail.
I was feeling so scared so alone.
I searched for him in the vicinity but i failed.
I called for his name but i get no feedback.
I started to get worried, and those people came back and i hide.
I had to stay there because i told him i'll meet him here.
I waited and waited until idk how long.
But he never came.
I felt so scared.
& i thought he had left me for good.
I woke up in the middle of the night crying.
I checked my phone and there i saw his message saying Goodnight.
I felt a little relieved, but still haunted by that dream.
For then i prayed, let all this be good sign and not what i thought it would be.
& dear, nothing of this is your fault.
Nothing of my sudden mood change yesterday is because of you.
It's my gut feeling though i know you might not believe me.
I trust you.
So trust me that none of this had got to do with you.
So stop feeling guilty, stop feeling sorry, stop saying you're wrong.
It's not your fault.
It's just me, yes me.
I just had to get over with the feeling and everything will be normal.
Nothing between us will change, nothing.
Except for my love that's growing stronger for you each and everyday.
Ya Allah, if this was what you initiate for me.
I'll face it with all my will.
But i trust you Allah, for what you're giving me is the best for me.
Just grant me the strength and patience to overcome all tests.
To you i turn and to you Allah i seek forgiveness.
Amin.
till then,
I will always do <3
Friday, 14 May 2010
Worst week so far :(
Hmm, it seems like friday is always my update day huh?
Well, school's been chaotic, crazy, stressful, mad oh whatever.
4th week of school is the worst week ever SO FAR.
A lot of things going on and mishaps just have to happen.
Let's see why.
Monday, keep sketching till i reach 10concepts.
Tuesday consult studio for 10concepts and Infographics.
& I freaking hate the lecturer.
Wah, super rude.
I hate that old women.
Sorry uh, but she is super darn rude laaa.
Miscommunication and blame us?
DARN STUPID.
I hate you.
Studio Midcrit made had caused me to burn the midnight oil and not sleep at all.
Sketches and layouts and renderings. Haiyoo.
& also Website revamp presentation.
WAHHH, thank god it went well.
Studio no need to say. Pfft.
Last but no least, Business Feasibility Report was a killer.
Write ups! I hate write ups!
But it's submitted already, GREAT.
Yeah stayed in school till 10pm just to get it done
and sent via email :D
But i just go to know when i get home,
that my grandmother is sick.
My one and only grandparent is sick.
I feel so worried, i miss her so much
& the fact i see her like once in two months?
Just because she lives at Jurong
And we don't have a car.
I'm schooling.
Both brother's working.
Dad's working.
Mum's working.
Sister working part time while waiting for university admission.
& brothers and dad don't have a fixed off day.
Even weekends we're very busy.
I feel very sad.
I feel so left out in this family or mine.
& Dad, being a pain sometimes.
Why? What happen? Why the sudden change abah?
I'm just so confused.
So this sunday we actually already planned to visit my grandmother.
But just didn't expect a call today to say she's pretty sick.
Ya Allah, berilah kekuatan kepada nenek ku.
Sembuhkan lah penyakitnya.
Dah panjangkan lah umur nya.
Amin amin Ya Rabal Alamin.
I love her sooo much.
No one can ever replace the best grandmother i have in this world.
I really love my grandmother.
I love you nenek.
I'm hoping for a better weak ahead.
InsyaAllah Amin :D
Before i forget, let me make some bday wishes;
To My 2nd Brother, Abg Yan (5th May)
Sorry i forgot to wish you, i was darn busy with school.
Heeee, sorry bang no present :D
& pleaseee eh, don't sardine-ly backout on plans eh.
I'm good enough to wish you. HAHAH!
Happy 23rd Birthday Abg yan!
To; Syafiah! (7th May)
Happy 18th Birthday fiah! May all your wishes come true okay?
I wish you all the best in everything you do.
InsyaAllah. :D
Stay happy and pretty always!
To my bestfriend, brother; Abdul Shakur! (14th May)
Happy 19th Birthday BRADER! :DDDDD
Sorry tak sempat msg, i'm so darn busy with school.
Anyway bro, its been a nice 3 years friendship we had! :D
Thanks for all the support, listening ears and advices that you gave me.
I appreciate it loads :D
Believe it or not, you're the only guy friend that is still alive in my contacts!
HAHAH! Social network very bad huh me? :P
Anyway, so enjoy your birthday in the jungle k?
Hahah, sorry sorry.
Okay, semoga panjang umur sihat2 selalu k.
Jgn selalu sedih2 tau.
Cheer up!
I'll doakan the best for you!
InsyaAllah! :DD
So for now, main focus;
Studio development,
Rhino fruit bowls
& Audio Player User centered Project.
I must buck up well and fast.
InsyaAllah we'll make it. Amin.
Izah my dear,
anything text me k :D For now text that number i just did.
If i chg back, i'll inform you alright.
Or anything ask your brother.
Just to confirm.
I'll sponsor the karaoke.
Anything personal text tau ;D
& Amirul. Don't know if you will be reading this but
You have no reason not to come!
HAHAH! I'm being mean.
But pls dtg k?
For the sake of your beloved gf.
Cause we'll not only be karaoke-ing.
We go mkn after that and walk2 or smthing k.
Or we sit down somewhere nice and talktalktalktalk :D
& don't worry. We're good people (Y)
& i miss my dear very much.
Yes i know i see him everyday, but its different.
Its hard to explain.
Just think, in school we talk more like
student to student.
friends to friends.
You might not or can't imagine how it feels but
Its just indescribable.
I miss having a boyfriend girlfriend time with him.
I miss going for dates with him.
I miss only having the two of us.
I miss him hugs.
But i miss him most.
But its alright,
Time doesn't permit for a valid reason.
School is important,
so bby we'll do this together alright? :D
We'll go through this crisis bravely.
No matter what, you know i will still love you.
You mean a lot to me dear,
I love you
till then,
Hoping for the best~
Well, school's been chaotic, crazy, stressful, mad oh whatever.
4th week of school is the worst week ever SO FAR.
A lot of things going on and mishaps just have to happen.
Let's see why.
Monday, keep sketching till i reach 10concepts.
Tuesday consult studio for 10concepts and Infographics.
& I freaking hate the lecturer.
Wah, super rude.
I hate that old women.
Sorry uh, but she is super darn rude laaa.
Miscommunication and blame us?
DARN STUPID.
I hate you.
Studio Midcrit made had caused me to burn the midnight oil and not sleep at all.
Sketches and layouts and renderings. Haiyoo.
& also Website revamp presentation.
WAHHH, thank god it went well.
Studio no need to say. Pfft.
Last but no least, Business Feasibility Report was a killer.
Write ups! I hate write ups!
But it's submitted already, GREAT.
Yeah stayed in school till 10pm just to get it done
and sent via email :D
But i just go to know when i get home,
that my grandmother is sick.
My one and only grandparent is sick.
I feel so worried, i miss her so much
& the fact i see her like once in two months?
Just because she lives at Jurong
And we don't have a car.
I'm schooling.
Both brother's working.
Dad's working.
Mum's working.
Sister working part time while waiting for university admission.
& brothers and dad don't have a fixed off day.
Even weekends we're very busy.
I feel very sad.
I feel so left out in this family or mine.
& Dad, being a pain sometimes.
Why? What happen? Why the sudden change abah?
I'm just so confused.
So this sunday we actually already planned to visit my grandmother.
But just didn't expect a call today to say she's pretty sick.
Ya Allah, berilah kekuatan kepada nenek ku.
Sembuhkan lah penyakitnya.
Dah panjangkan lah umur nya.
Amin amin Ya Rabal Alamin.
I love her sooo much.
No one can ever replace the best grandmother i have in this world.
I really love my grandmother.
I love you nenek.
I'm hoping for a better weak ahead.
InsyaAllah Amin :D
Before i forget, let me make some bday wishes;
To My 2nd Brother, Abg Yan (5th May)
Sorry i forgot to wish you, i was darn busy with school.
Heeee, sorry bang no present :D
& pleaseee eh, don't sardine-ly backout on plans eh.
I'm good enough to wish you. HAHAH!
Happy 23rd Birthday Abg yan!
To; Syafiah! (7th May)
Happy 18th Birthday fiah! May all your wishes come true okay?
I wish you all the best in everything you do.
InsyaAllah. :D
Stay happy and pretty always!
To my bestfriend, brother; Abdul Shakur! (14th May)
Happy 19th Birthday BRADER! :DDDDD
Sorry tak sempat msg, i'm so darn busy with school.
Anyway bro, its been a nice 3 years friendship we had! :D
Thanks for all the support, listening ears and advices that you gave me.
I appreciate it loads :D
Believe it or not, you're the only guy friend that is still alive in my contacts!
HAHAH! Social network very bad huh me? :P
Anyway, so enjoy your birthday in the jungle k?
Hahah, sorry sorry.
Okay, semoga panjang umur sihat2 selalu k.
Jgn selalu sedih2 tau.
Cheer up!
I'll doakan the best for you!
InsyaAllah! :DD
So for now, main focus;
Studio development,
Rhino fruit bowls
& Audio Player User centered Project.
I must buck up well and fast.
InsyaAllah we'll make it. Amin.
Izah my dear,
anything text me k :D For now text that number i just did.
If i chg back, i'll inform you alright.
Or anything ask your brother.
Just to confirm.
I'll sponsor the karaoke.
Anything personal text tau ;D
& Amirul. Don't know if you will be reading this but
You have no reason not to come!
HAHAH! I'm being mean.
But pls dtg k?
For the sake of your beloved gf.
Cause we'll not only be karaoke-ing.
We go mkn after that and walk2 or smthing k.
Or we sit down somewhere nice and talktalktalktalk :D
& don't worry. We're good people (Y)
& i miss my dear very much.
Yes i know i see him everyday, but its different.
Its hard to explain.
Just think, in school we talk more like
student to student.
friends to friends.
You might not or can't imagine how it feels but
Its just indescribable.
I miss having a boyfriend girlfriend time with him.
I miss going for dates with him.
I miss only having the two of us.
I miss him hugs.
But i miss him most.
But its alright,
Time doesn't permit for a valid reason.
School is important,
so bby we'll do this together alright? :D
We'll go through this crisis bravely.
No matter what, you know i will still love you.
You mean a lot to me dear,
I love you
till then,
Hoping for the best~
Friday, 7 May 2010
It's friday again, yeah AGAIN.
I can't believe i've been schooling for 3weeks.
And how fast has it been.
It's like im almost on a fastforward button or smthing?
These 3 weeks has been the super packed, fast paced, stressful and deprivation of sleep week ever.
I did so much things in just 3 weeks.
Oh wow, design really pushes you to work fast.
Just like the market and industry. :D
Must keep up with them no matter what it takes.
Weekends means no break.
I have to promise to myself that i will work on my studio tomorrow and sunday.
As well as researching on entrepreneurship project and product usability presentation.
Out of all this, Studio Midcrit is the most important of all.
Must must do a proper and good panel! MUST!
Promise that to yourself DYLA, harus!
~~~
Some how rather, despite my hiatus school schedule,
I can't help but think how far i have gotten.
Looking back on days gone by, i have really grown a lot.
Not physically but mentally.
I do recall times when i say, FML, I hate my life, I regret this and that and all sorts of stuffs.
I guess, i'll take all of it back.
I said i do believe that things all happens for a reason and i kinda neglected that saying.
Ironic much, but yeah i did.
& time to time i thought deeply and hard, i found out i was a fool.
Indeed life as much much more to tell us.
Years ago, i had a conflict with someone which lasted for almost 2years.
I drenched myself in a situation that every girl never wanted to experience.
In turn made me feel so disastrous and lost all hope.
A lot of mistakes, misunderstandings, undecided decisions.
But one by one, with faith it all died down.
And i'm living life that is obscurely normal for now.
And im contented with it.
For what happen to me made me realise so much about determination and self esteem.
I'm not gonna raise up a white flag.
Never would.
I thank them for causing my life to be upside down.
They actually gave me a chance to make it right.
And yeah, the painful journey gave me numerous experiences.
Experiences that i would never want to be traded with anything.
I love my life now.
If it wasn't for them and fate,
I wouldn't have great friends now.
And i could not have been or even met my present boyfriend.
I never wanna regret anything in my life.
If i do, it's just the same as regretting having my friends now and my bf too.
I love all of you out there.
You're the reason Dyla is still alive and who she is today.
Thank you :D
till then,
You boy, you mean a lot to me baby. (K)
And how fast has it been.
It's like im almost on a fastforward button or smthing?
These 3 weeks has been the super packed, fast paced, stressful and deprivation of sleep week ever.
I did so much things in just 3 weeks.
Oh wow, design really pushes you to work fast.
Just like the market and industry. :D
Must keep up with them no matter what it takes.
Weekends means no break.
I have to promise to myself that i will work on my studio tomorrow and sunday.
As well as researching on entrepreneurship project and product usability presentation.
Out of all this, Studio Midcrit is the most important of all.
Must must do a proper and good panel! MUST!
Promise that to yourself DYLA, harus!
~~~
Some how rather, despite my hiatus school schedule,
I can't help but think how far i have gotten.
Looking back on days gone by, i have really grown a lot.
Not physically but mentally.
I do recall times when i say, FML, I hate my life, I regret this and that and all sorts of stuffs.
I guess, i'll take all of it back.
I said i do believe that things all happens for a reason and i kinda neglected that saying.
Ironic much, but yeah i did.
& time to time i thought deeply and hard, i found out i was a fool.
Indeed life as much much more to tell us.
Years ago, i had a conflict with someone which lasted for almost 2years.
I drenched myself in a situation that every girl never wanted to experience.
In turn made me feel so disastrous and lost all hope.
A lot of mistakes, misunderstandings, undecided decisions.
But one by one, with faith it all died down.
And i'm living life that is obscurely normal for now.
And im contented with it.
For what happen to me made me realise so much about determination and self esteem.
I'm not gonna raise up a white flag.
Never would.
I thank them for causing my life to be upside down.
They actually gave me a chance to make it right.
And yeah, the painful journey gave me numerous experiences.
Experiences that i would never want to be traded with anything.
I love my life now.
If it wasn't for them and fate,
I wouldn't have great friends now.
And i could not have been or even met my present boyfriend.
I never wanna regret anything in my life.
If i do, it's just the same as regretting having my friends now and my bf too.
I love all of you out there.
You're the reason Dyla is still alive and who she is today.
Thank you :D
till then,
You boy, you mean a lot to me baby. (K)
Monday, 3 May 2010
NOT SO GOOD WEEKENDS/ MONDAY BLUES. FAG.
I had a terrible terrible weekend.
I really did, it was such a heartpain.
& it feels way worst that falling out of love.
How does it feel to be ditched by your own blood?
Be humiliated, and being unappreciated by your own blood?
Own blood which i thought would be the most reliable person on earth EVER.
Yeah, which was what i thought huh?
I shall not assume no more.
Cause i failed in knowing that my assumptions was already fake from the start.
My mistake for not foreseeing it right.
For how much it hurts right now to stay and keep listening,
i know i shall be numb sooner or later.
I'm not being overly sensitive nor emotional,
it sucks being ignored and unfairly treated.
And this isn't the first nor second.
Nor third or forth.
Uncountable times.
& to think i could still shut up and act normal.
Nahh, not that easy.
I know that crying and crying and wasting tons of tears won't change anything.
Because i've tried.
I'll just pray for what's left to be done and just hope just.. hope;
Everything was just a nightmare.
:'(
~~~
Let's all just try to get cheery for now.
Enough with my family problems.
I'm tired of it, im tired of crying.
DONE.
Rhino, rhino rhino.
I sucked big time. HAIZ.
AND WHY CANNOT UPLOAD PICS?!
PERANGAI OR WHAT!
FAFESFGWRSFAHHTJHFJKFH.
Anyway i bought a shoe on friday
Let's be specific,
Ankle Boot 3eyed laced heels :D
AWESOME!
Not really a boot but bootlike.
ANKLE BOOTS. :DD
I can't wait to wear them.
And strut :D
Really, tried a couple of times at home and it was darn comfortable!
I love!
Like yus said,
Give a girl the right shoes and she'll rock the walk.
Nicely said huh? :DD
I wanna upload pics but sadly, perangai tak boleh :(
And this ankle boot has officially become my favourite pair of heels.
So what will i do with the rest?
Errrrrr, i hate my formal heels!
So uncomfy and erghh, just dont like.
Not good for long walks :P
Netting heels, still great.
Can kick someone's ass with it.
(Y)
Esp some freakos stalkers or rapist!
And the present from my dear,
Highest heels i've own.
Still looking pretty, wear for weddings best :D
Or my wedding? HAHAH!
Pikir jauh eeeeehhh.
Sayang i know you'll laugh if you read this.
SHHH! Or i cocok your babat and bite you off! :P
NAK PAKAI HEELS BARU!
Must choose one nice relaxing outing day.
wth? NVMD! WEDNESDAY UH! :DD
YAY, excited nyer aku. weee.
and to my dearest boyfriend,
I love you tau.
Remember that.
*hugs and kisses*
K go do studio!
I really did, it was such a heartpain.
& it feels way worst that falling out of love.
How does it feel to be ditched by your own blood?
Be humiliated, and being unappreciated by your own blood?
Own blood which i thought would be the most reliable person on earth EVER.
Yeah, which was what i thought huh?
I shall not assume no more.
Cause i failed in knowing that my assumptions was already fake from the start.
My mistake for not foreseeing it right.
For how much it hurts right now to stay and keep listening,
i know i shall be numb sooner or later.
I'm not being overly sensitive nor emotional,
it sucks being ignored and unfairly treated.
And this isn't the first nor second.
Nor third or forth.
Uncountable times.
& to think i could still shut up and act normal.
Nahh, not that easy.
I know that crying and crying and wasting tons of tears won't change anything.
Because i've tried.
I'll just pray for what's left to be done and just hope just.. hope;
Everything was just a nightmare.
:'(
~~~
Let's all just try to get cheery for now.
Enough with my family problems.
I'm tired of it, im tired of crying.
DONE.
Rhino, rhino rhino.
I sucked big time. HAIZ.
AND WHY CANNOT UPLOAD PICS?!
PERANGAI OR WHAT!
FAFESFGWRSFAHHTJHFJKFH.
Anyway i bought a shoe on friday
Let's be specific,
Ankle Boot 3eyed laced heels :D
AWESOME!
Not really a boot but bootlike.
ANKLE BOOTS. :DD
I can't wait to wear them.
And strut :D
Really, tried a couple of times at home and it was darn comfortable!
I love!
Like yus said,
Give a girl the right shoes and she'll rock the walk.
Nicely said huh? :DD
I wanna upload pics but sadly, perangai tak boleh :(
And this ankle boot has officially become my favourite pair of heels.
So what will i do with the rest?
Errrrrr, i hate my formal heels!
So uncomfy and erghh, just dont like.
Not good for long walks :P
Netting heels, still great.
Can kick someone's ass with it.
(Y)
Esp some freakos stalkers or rapist!
And the present from my dear,
Highest heels i've own.
Still looking pretty, wear for weddings best :D
Or my wedding? HAHAH!
Pikir jauh eeeeehhh.
Sayang i know you'll laugh if you read this.
SHHH! Or i cocok your babat and bite you off! :P
NAK PAKAI HEELS BARU!
Must choose one nice relaxing outing day.
wth? NVMD! WEDNESDAY UH! :DD
YAY, excited nyer aku. weee.
and to my dearest boyfriend,
I love you tau.
Remember that.
*hugs and kisses*
K go do studio!
